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It's Not About YOU

How many times has it happened? You walk into a room and you can feel it, The eyes are on you or you get a negative "vibe" from someone. It feels personal, right? Why don't they like you? What have you done wrong? Probably nothing.

My mother used to say everyone sees life through their own "filter". To me that means that no matter what you say (outside of it being intentionally malicious), or your intent, the processing of information is subjective to the processor. The person looking at you is looking through their own lens, whether you like it or not.

Don't get me wrong, you can invite problems into your situation. For instance, you can walk into a soccer game with a bunch of soccer moms with a mini skirt and get a typical reaction or you can overdress for an event and get the common disapproval;. However, in both of those cases, it is still about the crowd and not about you. If you were to wear that skirt on the beach it would be ok and that's because those same folks view it as "appropriate" or not, not because you were wrong in the first instance. So if you wait to be approved of, you want that until you die. There are certain people who will never approve of you because of their perspective, which is usually based on their experiences.

What people feel is not about us. Sometimes we strike a reaction in people because they have perceived our intentions but mostly their reactions are based on THEIR intentions, THEIR perspectives and THEIR experience. Rest in that understanding. When someone does something that hurts us, sometimes they are just finding their way and it really has nothing to do with us. When someone disapproves of you, they usually disapprove of many people and many times they disapprove of themselves.

Take a step back... put yourself in the other person's shoes. Realize this is really NOT about you. This is about them. They are finding their way. Maybe you stepped on the one thing they felt secure about. Maybe you reminded them that they have failed over and over again. Be kind. Be gracious. Of course I don't condone tolerating abuse... but many hurt feelings could be mended... and many tears could be spared by just realizing, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

BE blessed,


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